3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
