Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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