when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
