Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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