My nipple is on Facebook.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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