Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
