i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Too much gin, very little bucket
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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