ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
