So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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