Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
