my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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