does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
