Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
