Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
