i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize