This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
