Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
