im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
