i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
