I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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