I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's the barista slut.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize