Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
