he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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