I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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