you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
