Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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