we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize