the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
