Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
