So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize