I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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