just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
