now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
