The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
