fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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