dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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