Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
