What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
