last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
