my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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