I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
