Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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