Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So squirting runs in the family.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
