Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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