I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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