I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
