i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
