And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
