Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
