Will you blow on my dice?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
