i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
