doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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