they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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