If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
