i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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