I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
