Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
