she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
