Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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