you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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