Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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