I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
