The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
