Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
