you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I enjoy the company of your penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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