You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
