I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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