I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
