tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
