i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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