I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
